Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Open letter to Valley sellers (Y1/M10/D20)

Well, people, I've battened the hatches and we're settling in for the storm. (Okay, I'm not even sure what I'm talking about there). But here's my point: I will not pay three quarters of a million dollars for your crappy tract house in the valley.

First off, I cannot believe that you put a granite counter on the original rickety 1940s cabinets to save costs and now you want me to pay for the "upgrade" even though I will have to tear it out to replace said cabinets.

What were you thinking when you converted your garage into a living room and then made your entire front yard into a carport? Something like: "Man, the Motel 6 is purty. I want my house to look like a Motel 6!"

When you expanded your living room and dining room and kitchen WITHOUT expanding the actual square footage of your house, did it occur to you that not everybody likes bedrooms that have the same dimensions as a solitary-confinement prison cell? Hi! People want closets in their bedrooms not bedrooms in their closets. Maybe you were confused?

Why did you remodel your kitchen in such a way that there is NO PLACE FOR A REFRIGERATOR? Raw diet?

Holy mother of Jesus, People. I'm only going to say this once: a three-quarter-million dollar house must have more than one damn bathroom.

And, unless you are a licensed contractor who pulled permits, your house should not have any additions that YOU built.

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