Saturday, May 27, 2006

DAY 7



I am growing suspicious that Adelphia is conspiring with the Forces of Evil to throw this experiment off the tracks. Once again the fine company that is Adelphia (and by "fine" I of course mean "crappy") has failed me. For reasons I cannot explain, Gentle Readers, Adelphia is not offering the most recent episode of The Sopranos on demand. Needless to say, the first thing Our Subject wanted upon return to his new home was an episode of the The Sopranos but lo ... it was not there for him. Fortunately, however, the DVR did capture the two-hour season finale of Desperate Housewives. You see, Our Subject has almost no tolerance for DH and so a two-hour episode of same is just what he needed to fall fast asleep last night.

Of course, for a conspiracy there must be a party with whom one conspires. And the party that Adelphia appears to have carefully selected is: the United States Postal Service. That's right, Gentle Readers, no conspiracy is complete without the government.

Today the U.S.P.S. has vexed Our Subject by having not one but TWO distinct post offices on Magnolia and in the vicinity of Sherman Oaks. Our Subject was jonesing something fierce for the two issues of People Magazine that should have been delivered whilst we were in Maui and first thing this morning he headed out to claim our held mail (and his prized copies of People). But the first post office he visited was not the right one and this actually drove him to curse. The second post office, however, was not only the right one but also soothed him dramatically by ushering him to the front of the line -- but this whole ushering business was just a ruse. Yes, an incredibly crafty technique by the government to get Our Subject in high spirits again only to bring him crashing back down. That's right, despite going through the pile several times, Our Subject discovered there were no issues of People.

First no Sopranos, now no People; he needed soothing fast and nothing soothes Our Subject like bagels. So it was off to Noah's New York Bagels on Ventura Blvd (in the La Reina shopping center.) Our Subject put down two whole lox sandwiches on onion bagels. Luckily, they remembered the pickles. I fear that a pickle shortfall could have pushed him over the edge and sent him packing for Brentwood.

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